(A good bit that’s totally unsuitable, in subject matter and language, for kids and the sexually modest)
This posting started out on 5/21 as two separate postings, each about extraordinary size, about a thing that caused viewers (me included, in each case) to marvel at its size.
So Big 1: the anatomical organ. The first thing popped up in my life on 5/19, in an e-mail message from my friend Bill Stewart (William Forrest Stewart, formerly in the Bay Area, now in North Carolina), who is, all at once: an amateur chamber music performer and an advocate of early music; the keeper of a wonderful garden of cacti and succulents; the husband of my old friend and former student (going back to 1965) David Stein; and a firm companion in the appreciation of the naked male body (focused on, but not limited to, dicks) and of gay porn actors and the material they’re featured in (especially, but not limited to, videos of guys enthusiastically sucking and fucking). As I often have occasion to remind my readers, people are complicated.
It was in the last of these roles that Bill wrote me 6 days ago, to offer a picture of the actor who performs as Sir Peter, a name that celebrates his peter: a cock that is actually (not just in press releases) over 9“ long and — this is the truly impressive part — about 2.3″ in diameter — a monumentally fat / thick dick. A picture that shows his enormous package in a thong while he reclines in a chaise longue, displaying one of his armpits and projecting big bearded approachability. This picture:
(#1) [Bill’s caption:] Sir Peter, our Spain in the Ass! (a reference to Spain in the Ass, a 2024 gay porn release from NakedSword, the final scene of which is all about the muscle twink Seth Peterson energetically taking Sir Peter’s monster into his body per os and per ano (I’m not sure which is the greater feat)
Details to follow below.
So Big 2: the garden flower. My helper J and I came upon the second thing on a visit to the Gamble Garden in Palo Alto on 5/20. Rounding a corner, we were confronted by a flower with huge mottled leaves and gigantic bright-white funnel-like (well, frankly, vaginiform) flowers that towered above us on stems / stalks over 6′ tall. They looked like callas from a science fiction movie. J finally found a label:
Zantedeschia aethiopica
White Giant
Whoa. Zantedeschia aethiopica is in fact the calla lily, an excellent garden plant that grows at most to 2-3′ tall and is white in nature, though variants have been bred in many colors. (Side note: the artist Georgia O’Keeffe was fond of the vaginiform calla, because it’s symbolically feminine.) The variety White Giant is now sold by many sources as Hercules; here’s a Hercules photo from Kryzysztof Kozminski’s website:
(#2) Plants in San Francisco’s Strybing Arboretum (originally from Western Hills Nursery in Oakland CA)
Solid cylinders. What unites cocks and flower stems (or tree trunks) is their abstract form; viewing them mathematically — specifically, geometrically — they’re solid cylinders, three-dimensional objects with two relevant dimensions:
length (if the solid is viewed as extended horizontally, the way erect penises are) or height / tallness (if the solid is viewed as extended vertically, the way plant stems and tree trunks are)
diameter / width (as the general term, so used if the solid is inanimate) or thickness / fatness / girth (usable in general, but especially when the solid is a living thing, in particular when it’s a bodypart)
Big (solid) cylinders. Now: there are two ways in which a dimension could be judged to be big:
in the relationship between length and width: the high columnarity of a high length to width ratio (as in pillars or pencils), versus the low columnarity, or squatness of a high width to length ratio (from fireplugs down to low platforms); Sir Peter’s cock is neither notably columnar nor notably squat
in the size of a dimension (whether length or width) relative to this dimension for other things of the same type — hence a long dick (which is long relative to men’s dicks in general) and a thick / fat dick (which is wide relative to men’s dicks in general); Sir Peter’s cock is both long and thick / fat
(Talk of big dicks is talk about long dicks: how many inches does he have? Big dicks, in the sense of long dicks, are very highly valued, at least in modern American gay culture. I refer you to earlier discussions of dick size on this blog.)
A third sort of size relationship applies specifically to dicks in male sexual acts; it has to do with the relationship between the dimensions of an inserted dick and the dimensions of a receptive bodypart, mouth or anus. Just as the dimensions of men’s dicks vary considerably, men’s mouths vary considerably in the depth of the oral cavity and in the width of their (maximum) mouth opening, and men’s anuses vary considerably in the size and tightness of the anal opening.
As it happens, I am a small-boned person, and all of these dimensions are on the low side for me. My oral cavity is shallow, so if a guy has a long dick, I can’t get much of the shaft into my mouth and have to massage the tip with my lips and tongue. My maximum mouth opening is quite small, so if a guy has a thick dick, I can’t get it in my mouth at all and will switch to jacking him off; Sir Peter’s 2.3″ is way beyond my abilities (I’ve been measuring, and trying to get various objects into my mouth).
Accommodating a long-dicked guy anally is not much of a problem, but truly thick dicks require special measures for everyone, not just me. For one thing, it takes a course of training that I never went through, training that helps to make the fucking look easy. And the fucker has to learn how to work the angles, how to get their cock into you slowly, smoothly, and gently, before they move to pounding your ass. (The porn actors, meanwhile, are working to give you a pure-pleasure fantasy of getting fucked by a monster cock, whatever your body is like; in the fantasy, you take that dick like a hero, it fills you up, he is superstud, you are superfag.) I’ll carve out a section below to speculate on how Seth Peterson accommodates Sir Peter’s girth in their porn work together; a lot of that work is manufacturing the fantasy, which takes a lot more than looking ecstatic and saying fuck me breathlessly.
(I should remind my readers that making porn is movie making, done on sets with all sorts of equipment and a fair number of people working on the set, typically shot in segments with breaks for cleaning up, adjusting makeup and props, and the like, and sometimes requiring multiple takes. It’s a real job.)
Jerry Lewis. I would like to show you Seth Peterson (hereafter, Seth) savoring that gigantic cock in his mouth, adroitly engulfing it; and taking that huge shaft up his ass, sliding up and down on it while kissing Sir Peter (hereafter, Peter) — but those shots aren’t WordPressable. The cocksucking is made to look especially easy, and Seth seems to be genuinely enjoying himself. I can’t show that, but I can show you an analogous act, one that the comic Jerry Lewis performed many times in his career: the glass-in-mouth gag.
Here’s a head shot from http://www.AbsolutAd.com, showing Lewis sitting in a tux with a full glass of water sticking out of his mouth (in the full ad, on his tux is a cutout of an Absolut bottle, marked Hello, My Name Is Absolut):
(#3) The glass-in-mouth gag
Lewis is holding the glass in his lips, not actually in his mouth, but the gag does show that he can open his mouth that far, about as far as Seth needs to open his mouth to suck off Peter.
Spain in the Ass. My 11/28/24 posting “Today’s truly terrible pun” is about Spain in the Ass, a 2024
gay porn release from NakedSword, with a title that’s a laughably lame, absurdly ugly pun … [for the name of] a video set in a Spanish villa that’s [mostly] about reciprocal anal intercourse
The final scene is Seth and Peter, and the fucking isn’t reciprocal.
From the WayBig site about Seth:
Seth Peterson [born Adam Daniel Aguirre on 8/28/97 in Redondo Beach CA], a 5′6“ [dark brown / black]-haired porn star [with a 6“ cut cock] sensation, stormed Helix Studios in 2020, flipping effortlessly between top and bottom in hardcore gay porn scenes.
(#4) The twunk (muscle twink) Seth; you can see that he is indeed muscular — and he’s a small guy (8“ shorter than Peter, and much less massive), but tops as enthusiastically as he bottoms, though in this Spain scene he’s a devoted bottom throughoutKnown for his high-energy horniness, this friendly, versatile stud shines in orgies, bareback, and twink classics like ‘Helix Academy Wrestling’. A neuroscience grad turned XXX pro, Seth’s authentic passion and chiseled physique make him a fan favorite alongside stars like Travis Stevens and Josh Brady. Off-set, he’s a sushi-obsessed, matcha-sipping morning person who surfs, sails, and explores gay cultures worldwide.
As for Peter, whose photo is up there in #1, born Miguel Teixeira Ferreira in Portugal on 10/3/90, he’s a 6′2“ sexually versatile (yes, a monster-dicked guy who loves to get fucked); porn actor with an uncut 9+“ cock (ca. 2.3“ in diameter); he speaks Portuguese, Spanish, and English, and his porn persona tends towards the amiable (so I find him quite attractive).
And then the scene, which begins with Seth inviting Peter to come with him. He instigates the pairing, kisses Peter —
(#5) The scene is shot to minimize the height difference between the two men, making them more equal; also, the scene starts with them both in briefs, so that the sexy ceremonies of removing one another’s briefs build the scene slowly
— then gets down on his knees to ask for Peter’s cock in his mouth.
Further scene description from press releases:
After waiting what feels like years to be embraced by Sir Peter, Seth Peterson is finally getting the chance to be dominated by the hung titan and his massive uncut cock. Sir Peter’s big dick barely fits inside the twunk’s mouth, but Seth is determined to swallow all its girth before heading down the hallway to go for a bareback ride on the hunk’s oversized meat.
(#6) They run through a long menu of fuck positions, but all showing their faces and as much of their bodies as possible; the encounter is conspicuously not just focused on dick in hole, but shows the engagement of two full persons (something I find emotionally satisfying as well as sexually arousing; I have gotten off to this scene several times, in fact)Infatuated by Seth’s smooth hole, Sir Peter continues to bury his oversized cock and eager tongue in his lover’s asshole until Seth is ready to release all over himself and open up his mouth for Sir Peter’s sticky load.
About taking a thick dick up your ass. The very first thing is douching, which you want to do in any case (unless you or your partner are seriously into shit), but a douche with warm water relaxes your assring some. The next thing is lube, lots of lube. Everybody knows this, but I mention it because though you see Peter’s huge cock driving into Seth’s muscular ass, you don’t see the glistening lube that makes it an easy ride. Presumably this enhances the fantasy: a no-mess fuck. (In real life, you’ll need at least to mop up the lube and any cum that leaks out of your asshole; don’t wrinkle up your nose about bodily realities — consider making the two of you gently washing each other into an affectionate ritual, while you’re still in the afterglow of sexual satisfaction.)
(Reminder: porn sex is fantasy sex, composed for your imagination. So it’s a really shitty way to learn about having actual sex. This is the responsible older brother in me talking.)
Continuing on this theme. Very few men are prepared by nature to take a really thick cock up their ass. Even if they’re getting fucked by a dick like mine (on the lower edge of the statistically normal), most guys need to be opened up slowly, and that can be a pleasure all its own. Once there’s a dick in it, most guys’ assrings (their anal sphincters, to give the anatomical name) will relax some and then the guys can go on to something more strenuous.
Note: shooting a load relaxes the assring quite a lot, so getting off before getting fucked is an easy relaxation technique. I have had partners who were happy to give me a blow job — oh, I do like getting sucked off — before fucking me, and that works for the other guy too, since sucking cock is arousing for so many gay men and then can serve as foreplay to fucking.
But, but … none of this really sets you up for taking a really thick cock up your ass. Almost everyone has to do exercises to gradually dilate their assring, inserting ever larger things (fingers, dildos, butt plugs, whatever; never use anything that could get lost in your asshole or is in any way spiky). Yes, it’s a progressive workout, requiring a fair amount of time, like weeks. But bit by bit, your assring opens up. Some of the pros have worked up to taking truly humongous dildos up their asses; there are videos. Not my kink, but there it is, remarkable even if not inspiring.
More innocently, there are meditation-like relaxation exercises. Doesn’t require buying any gear. Doesn’t work for everyone, however. It does work for me, but then I find it easy to mess with my mind.
For heavy-duty fuckwork, such as Seth displays in Spain, I suspect that many of the pros take a pharmaceutical route, using either prescription medications that relax the assring (nitroglycerin ointment; or a calcium channel blocker, as ointment or taken orally); or, especially, poppers (poppers are potent vasodilators that also act as muscle relaxants, notably in the throat and asshole; so they give you a spacey rush but also open you up to take cock, lots of cock, and meanwhile the look of that spacey rush could work on-screen as the face of ecstatic pleasure).
Here ends the practical advice you probably didn’t want to hear about.